Play any song intro to this man, and he’ll start to play his drums with you. And play he will, not just simply bashing on snares or cymbals, but music --- great music, flows from within him. A many have said he plays with his heart. Indeed he does. But I must say he gives life to any song played, as if a soul is borne out of his drums. He lives out what a psalmist once wrote “My heart is steadfast, Oh God; I will sing and make music with all my soul”.
Playing music with him then radiates to your very own soul. He once said to me “Gusto ko yung pagtugtog mo ng gitara. Hindi ako naliligaw.” I didn’t know what he meant, but coming from the best drummer one could ever play with, I didn’t bother to ask. In our souls, we had this harmonious connection, like a secret coded language between musicians. I would always look at him during rehearsals or those till-2am-jams, and every time our eyes catch each other, he would do his antics with those signature blaring eyes --- striking the cymbals in reverse or doing an 8-beat with the kick, and dancing in his seat --- all without skipping a beat. All you can ever do is play better as you feel the soul, the beat from his heart.
It was difficult to see this heart stop beating, literally. I was there. I was the only one there with Tita Susan. The doctor said to me “be strong, we are going to loose him any time now”. My knees felt it wanted to kneel. I asked Tita Susan for us to sit down and pray. I called for Aileen, I saw the doctors and nurses hurried; injections, tubes were everywhere. Suddenly, they all stopped. I watched as the monitors blipped so faintly. I looked at the doctor, and he nodded. The heart that once beat those drums beat no more.
What could be more difficult than seeing a brother in his finality? It was holding the hand of our sister while all these came to pass. Yet, she was so strong in faith. She told me “help me pray”. Half-teared, I did. But in between mumbling our Lord’s Prayer and calling Pope JPII, all I could plead now was “Lord, into thy hands…”. She still didn’t know, but she remained in faith that our Lord will show His mighty power. I already knew my brother has just passed away, and holding the hands of a begging widow was too much to bear.
Hearing her prayer tore my heart. “Lord, I ask for a miracle now. Let him live and I promise we will dedicate our lives in service to you.” I know this couple serves our Lord well. They’ve given their lives to Him. I began to demand “Lord what else is there for them to dedicate their lives to you? What else is there Lord?” In my heart, a little anger and frustration crept, but I was reminded by what this brother told us “with the condition of my heart, I’ve lifted up anger to the Lord”. So is He slow in anger and rich in love. In my shame, I could only ask our Lord Jesus to look at our sister with much compassion, just as He did to a widow whose son has died. But that miracle never came.
Our brother’s last words to me was “Dito, ikaw ang mag bigay ng beat ha. Susundan kita” while rehearsing a song. In the concert, I almost cried playing this song, yet I found comfort in what Jesus said to the widow... “Weep not”. I began to sing it out loud… This song in my heart, this song in my soul…”
I know he is now free.
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May2005 - reflections after the GK4GK concert
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